Squish, squish, wobble, wobble, squeeze, stuff, oooh.
That's the sound of me trying to get into my old clothes.
Ok, so The Goddess is not quite three months old yet, but you know, there's no getting away from the past five years of childbearing.
Boing!
That's me literally bouncing around.
Now that we live in the age were celebrity mums are either back in their size zeros within a matter of weeks of giving birth, or taking the slow and steady approach like Charlotte Church or Claire Richards from Steps, it's hard not to put yourself on a timescale.
'Nine months to put on so nine months to take off' I hear you cry, and yes I'm not ready to ditch the chocolate just yet (didn't manage to give it up for Lent this year ), I just want to get back to some kind of normal.
We all know that motherhood comes with a few war wounds, but now that our family is completed, I actually feel like it's time to get back into jeans once and for all.
Not just jeans, but a whole new wardrobe please.
With the weather having picked up, it's out with the layers and big coats, and in with partial flesh-baring. Yikes! I'm talking arms and ankles and God forbid, legs.
A friend recently came over for lunch and she looked amazing. She has a toddler and was slinking around in jeans and a t-shirt. What was her secret?
'Slimming World,' she raved.
'Really?'
She's the second person I know who has done SW and she also looks fab. Plus, she has four children, two of which are baby twins.
I've never done the diet club thing, I don't even own scales.
Would I have the guts to wibble in public? I'm not so sure.
Let me just think about over a wee slice of cake and I'll get back to you...
